This year has not been kind. There have been too many losses, too many taken from us before their time.

Today, I learned that we lost both Carrie Fisher and Richard Adams, both playing major parts in my childhood. To be quite honest, I don’t even know where to begin.

Richard Adams was the author of Watership Down, a story about a group of rabbits leaving their warren in order to find a new home. I didn’t read the novel until I entered high school but I knew about it thanks in no small part to the animated feature, which my mother actually let me watch.

If you’ve ever seen the 1978 animated movie, that may surprise you. This is not a film for the faint of heart. It is very dark and violent; images from the film often appear on lists for “Movies that Will Scar Your Child for Life”.

It was also a beautiful film, inspiring a love of nature and animals within me. When I got the chance to read the book, I was mesmerized. The story ran so much deeper, far deeper than I had remembered as a child. Hearing the news about Mr. Adams is like hearing part of my childhood has been taken from me, ripped away.

Then, there’s Carrie Fisher.

I remember seeing Star Wars and sitting in the front row of the theatre with one of my childhood friends, Chewbacca large enough to reach out and grab me. But I was glued to the screen, utterly entranced by what I saw. I wanted to be a Rebel. I want to fight the Empire. But there was one thing I wanted most of all. When we headed home, we pretended we were fighting TIE fighters in the back of my mother’s car, my friend becoming Luke Skywalker while I was Princess Leia. It was fitting, really.

I wanted to be Princess Leia. Not simply as a child playing pretend. No, I wanted to be like her, in every way possible.

She was strong. She was smart. She was brave. She spoke her mind. She didn’t wait for permission to act. She took charge when she needed to and made no apologies. She was beautiful, so very stunningly beautiful but she was so much more than that. She broke the mold of what it meant to be a princess: she was not a damsel, she was her own person. She didn’t take grief from anyone, which was more than I could ever say about my younger self.

I loved her for that. I wanted to be her, for all of that and more. I wanted to be that strong, heroic, beautiful woman. I envied her, to a degree. But I loved her even more.

Last year, when Prime and I saw The Force Awakens, I was struck by two things: how much I still loved Leia Organa and just how beautiful she was. She was still so radiant, so lovely and I couldn’t help but hope that I might look even half that good at her age.

And now, a year later, she is gone. I feel as if there is a hole left in my heart with her passing. There is a gaping rend where something was taken away, not just from me but from so many others.

I can’t properly thank these two, who shaped me in my formative years. I can’t properly say farewell of that I will miss them now that they are gone. This clunky blog post is the best that I can do and it isn’t a fitting tribute for either one of them. There is so much more that I want to say, so much more but even that feels empty. I can only say this: Good-bye and I will miss you both. The world is a darker place without the two of you.


About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we are both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat. Life is pretty darned awesome.
This entry was posted in Grief, Nerd and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Farewell

  1. devicedude says:

    (I haven’t seen Watership down so i can’t comment…)

    Me and Joe were shocked that Ms. Fisher passed away just after her character of Princess Leia had a cameo in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Most of my life I just didn’t get into Star Wars, that is, until after I married Joe. He was a fan from the start and showed me the original trilogy and the prequels. We saw The Force Awakens and Rogue One in IMAX in San Francisco. I was glad that continuity was maintained and that she was willing to reprise her role in these sequels.

    I now wonder how her character and story will be affected in The Last Jedi later this year and how it will change the story for episode 9. It sucks that her passing happened around Christmastime and that her mom Debbie Reynolds would pass on shortly thereafter. It truly marks the end of an era and It depresses me in showing me that I’m getting old. I am thankful that being married eases that sting.

    Coincidentally, Me and Joe had seen 1952’s Singin’ In The Rain with Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor and Debbie Reynolds on blu-ray 2-3 weeks before her passing. How could anyone have know she’d go on to have a future movie legend – Carrie Fisher? 🙂

    Despite who will come into power in ’17 in the WH, hopefully this new year will have good things as well…


    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s