And Today In “You Can’t Make This Up”

You know American Girls, right? The uber-pricey dolls that came with books that taught girls about history while charging parents a hundred bucks for the privilege? Apparently, American Girl is introducing some new dolls to their line: one happens to be Korean-American, one is Hawaiian and one… is a boy?!

Yep, it seems the line is getting a boy doll. Huzzah for diversity!

Or not. At least according to an NC minister. Talk about flipping your slag here.

“This is nothing more than a trick of the enemy to emasculate little boys and confuse their role to become men,” the minister said in the e-mailed statement he sent at 9:45 a.m. Wednesday after watching a segment about American Girl on “Good Morning America.”

Uh, what?

First off, this isn’t exactly new, as Hasbro released My Buddy back in 1985. You probably remember the doll for the irritatingly catchy theme music. (Good luck getting that out of your head for the next several weeks. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) And the fact that it was one of the dolls that was the inspiration for Chucky, apparently. But here’s the massive difference between My Buddy and the latest addition to the American Girls line: in the case of My Buddy, that toy was marketed directly to boys. I’ve yet to see any advertisements that are saying, “Boys, get this new American Girl doll for your collection!”

“The devil wants to kill, steal and destroy the minds of our children and grandchildren by perverting, distorting and twisting (the) truth of who God created them to be.”

Okay, let’s get something straight here. This doll is not being advertised as transgender. This is being marketed as a straight up male. It just so happens to be a doll. That’s it. That’s the whole thing in a nutshell. There has been little to no indication that American Girl is even thinking of marketing this toy to young boys. In fact, the reason why this doll was created was because collectors wanted more diversity in the line.

Something tells me this guy is seeing things that just aren’t there. Then there’s this little gem (emphasis mine):

“Now you are going to have little boys playing with baby dolls and that’s not cool,” he said. “We need to get back to our old values and morals.”

optimus_prime_the_stupid

Firstly, the doll in question is not a “baby” doll. The doll in question–according to its bio–is old enough to play in a freaking band. This isn’t a baby by any means! It’s not even close!

Okay, rant over. I feel a bit better now.

Secondly, does it freaking matter if a boy wants to play with a baby doll? Let’s be blunt here: babies don’t come with a handy instructional manual when they are born. A huge part of parenting is fumbling through a lot of this crap and hoping against hope that you somehow didn’t eff everything up. It’s true for mothers and it is especially true for fathers, as men who are gentle and loving towards young children are seen as suspect. Now, young girls can get a few lessons on how to take care of babies by babysitting and by–you guessed it–playing with baby dolls. Taking care of a doll isn’t the exact same as caring for an infant but you can learn a few basics. Thanks to our screwed up idea of gender roles, we’re allowing the girls to learn but not the boys. That is absolutely unfair and it needs to change.

Third, what the hell does getting back “to our old values and morals” even mean? Does that mean if the new doll in question came with a shotgun and a mounted deer’s head, it would get a pass? Or maybe if it had a bible in its hand? I mean seriously, what does that even freaking mean here?!

Fourth of all, a ton of my toys? They actually came from the boys aisle. In my formative years, I was playing with Star Wars figures and Transformers. Sure, I had the occasional Barbie or two and the usual stuffed animals but I was also happy to play with action figures. Playing with my Astrotrain or my Powerdasher or any of my Star Wars figs did not suddenly turn me transgender or gay or anything like that. I was just a girl playing with a toy. A boy playing with a girl’s toy will not suddenly turn gay because he was playing with a girl’s toy. It’s downright ridiculous to even think that.

But there’s an easy way to soothe this poor guy’s rattled mind. It was used in the 1960s by Hasbro when GI Joe was released. Just call it an action figure. That’s it. It’s not a doll, just a large action figure. That way, it’ll be accessible to both genders without controversy. Or at least it should be.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cuddle with my Slumblebee, as the inanity of this post makes thinking a bit taxing at this moment. Catch you guys later, I’m out!

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About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we are both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat. Life is pretty darned awesome.
This entry was posted in And Now For Something Completely Different, Bullshit, Religion, Sex And Gender Acceptance and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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