Cartoon Logic in the Real World

If you listen to Gordon Klingonshit Klingenschmitt, demons are using Beauty and the Beast to turn kids gay. Again, I’m completely serious and not making this up.

You see, it’s demonic influences that are taking over Disney and putting this into the film. If kids see the sinful gay stuff, they’ll be influenced by the demonic forces as well and go full-on gay. If you happen to be like me, this sounds very, very familiar.

Look familiar? It should and not just in the Saturday morning sense, either.

Welcome to “Avoiding the World 101” or “Cartoon Logic”, if you will. It’s the idea that as long as we don’t see the evil, sinful stuff we will remain pure. If we stay away from the influence of Satan and his minions, then we can remain pure to the eyes of the Lord. It’s simple enough: just avoid “the World” at all costs!

Welcome to Cartoon Logic: as long as you don’t look down, you won’t fall off the cliff. Gravity is not in effect until you acknowledge that it is real and it is a thing. When I was part of the Kingdom Hall, I was taught something very similar to this. As long as you don’t see the gay behavior, you won’t become gay. As long as you don’t tell your children anything about sex, your children won’t have sex. It’s just that simple.

The only problem is that it really isn’t. Reality doesn’t work that way.

Let’s go ahead and be honest here: gay people exist. They are real. They are not under the influence of some demonic force and they don’t have a mental illness. They are attracted to members of their own sex. That is it in a nutshell. This isn’t the will of Satan or anything like it because gay animals exist. So unless Satan was really bored one day and just wanted a cool penguin army like in Batman Returns, I don’t see how animals could be corrupted by a fallen angel.

But you can’t explain that to people like Klingenschmitt. Science doesn’t matter. Facts don’t matter. Only the immortal soul matters. Therefore, you can’t watch a movie like Beauty and the Beast that has a gay character in it, or you are playing with literal eternal fire. Seeing that sort of thing puts you at a terrible risk because once you know it exists, Satan can tempt you with it.

So it’s best to keep chugging off that cliff while staring off into the horizon. That way, you’ll never fall. Or at least, that’s what we told ourselves when we believed that sort of thing.