Please Tell Me That This is a Joke

I found this little gem via Joe. My. God.Florida Man Claims Girlfriend Accidentally Choked To Death On His Large Penis, Demands That Jury Sees It.

You can’t make this sort of thing up, people. But then again, it’s from Florida. It gets a little NSFW after the jump, so be warned.

Patterson’s attorney claims his client accidentally choked Marquinez while performing oral sex. To prove it, attorney Ken Padowitz wants a Broward County judge to allow Patterson to show his penis to the jury. The assistant state attorney said the state of the penis is pertinent to its relevancy.

“Is it going to be erect, or is it going to be flaccid?” the prosecutor asked. He also wondered how it would be presented to the jury. “Do we do it in the back? Do we do it in open court?” he asked. “How is the defendant going to be erect when the jury views it? Because a flaccid penis, whether it be a picture or the jury actually seeing it, is completely irrelevant. It needs to be erect.”

I’m glad that I don’t live in Florida where I’d have to deal with this sort of weirdness on a daily basis. On the bright side: it probably won’t stand up in court. On that note, I’m out.


About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon--official and non--since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we were both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat, who crossed the Rainbow Bridge on June 16, 2018. We still miss him. But we're now the acting staff of a Maine Coon kitty named Lulu, who pretty much rules the house. Not that we're complaining about that.
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1 Response to Please Tell Me That This is a Joke

  1. kalliepygus says:

    Lol…. of course it’s Florida. Reminds me of this:

    Liked by 1 person

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