Please Tell Me That This is a Joke

I found this little gem via Joe. My. God.: Florida Man Claims Girlfriend Accidentally Choked To Death On His Large Penis, Demands That Jury Sees It.

You can’t make this sort of thing up, people. But then again, it’s from Florida. It gets a little NSFW after the jump, so be warned.

Patterson’s attorney claims his client accidentally choked Marquinez while performing oral sex. To prove it, attorney Ken Padowitz wants a Broward County judge to allow Patterson to show his penis to the jury. The assistant state attorney said the state of the penis is pertinent to its relevancy.

“Is it going to be erect, or is it going to be flaccid?” the prosecutor asked. He also wondered how it would be presented to the jury. “Do we do it in the back? Do we do it in open court?” he asked. “How is the defendant going to be erect when the jury views it? Because a flaccid penis, whether it be a picture or the jury actually seeing it, is completely irrelevant. It needs to be erect.”

I’m glad that I don’t live in Florida where I’d have to deal with this sort of weirdness on a daily basis. On the bright side: it probably won’t stand up in court. On that note, I’m out.

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