I Didn’t Sign Up for This

“So which one of you is going to try and kill me?”

As I say that, I force a laugh; it’s a joke but a twisted one. Every time I look at my chest, I wonder which breast will decide to “give up the ghost”, so to speak. I wonder which one of “the girls” will suddenly sport a lump or bump that isn’t so benign. I wonder if I’ll have to hear my specialist say, “Would you like your husband to sit with you while we discuss these results?”

Thankfully, none of this has happened. But I know it’s a very real possibility. It isn’t fun, but that’s stating the obvious.

You see, I didn’t sign up for this fight. I was drafted. In my case, my body itself is the one who is trying to fall ill. I literally have no say in any of this, as the BRCA is interwoven in my genetic make-up. I had zero desire to use any of my insurance or health benefits. But here I am.

“Being human means having a body, and bodies can fall to ill health at any time, for any reason.” As this post on Patheos puts it, we shouldn’t be penalizing someone because the body they have is faulty. Flesh and blood can break down. Human genetics can be prone to mutations that can cause fatal illness. Human bodies can fail and require care and that care can be costly.

I’ve found that out via personal experience. Again, that wasn’t fun but the alternative would have been a lot worse.

We keep hearing that pro-life politicians care about unborn babies. What about the born ones? What about the infants that come into this world sick? Do these same politicians really care about them or do they just care about paying lip-service to their constituents? Articles like that make me wonder.

Just like I wonder each day, whether or not my breasts will betray me. Just like I wonder each day, will I still have health insurance. Just like I wonder each day, if my benefits will be enough to cover this condition, this pre-existing condition.

Each day I wonder. Each day I find I don’t have answers. And each day I still ask the question: “So which one of you is going to try and kill me?” Again, I force that laugh, as the silence is too deafening.

About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon--official and non--since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we were both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat, who crossed the Rainbow Bridge on June 16, 2018. We still miss him. But we're now the acting staff of a Maine Coon kitty named Lulu, who pretty much rules the house. Not that we're complaining about that.
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