On Aziz Ansari

You probably know about Aziz Ansari and have probably read his apology. It’s old news. What’s also old news are what some people are saying about this.

“It was a date gone bad.”
“Why didn’t she just say no?”
“She could have just left, you know.”

I think you get the idea. Here’s the thing: I’ve been in that situation. It’s not always so cut and dried.

Before I go any further, let me state that this topic is a little sensitive. There will be details that might bother some people. So we’ll get into things only after the jump.

If you recall, I’ve mentioned my ex’s abuse and boundary issues. They were bad, but there is one incident that ranks as the absolute worst. It took place a few days after the release of Super Mario Land: Six Golden Coins.

My ex and I wanted to grab a copy of the game, so we headed to a local Kmart. It was a Saturday and I had planned on spending the day with my then SO. However, my plans changed when we got to the store.

I felt ill, so ill that I handed my ex the cash I was carrying, asked him to purchase the game and excused myself. I spent the next fifteen minutes kneeling on the floor of a Kmart restroom. I fought the urge to vomit.

When I stumbled out of the ladies room, my ex had the game in his hand. He mentioned that I looked terrible. I replied that I felt epically shitty. Then, I begged to go home.

When we got to my home, I managed to say that I felt like hell and needed rest. I headed to my bedroom, the ex following. I got to my bedroom, climbed into bed and laid still. Any motion caused my stomach to heave. I just wanted to keep quiet and let this pass.

However, my ex had followed me. He shut the door behind him as he slipped inside. I managed to say, “I feel like hell.”

My ex knew I was sick. But that didn’t dissuade him. He began to beg for sex.

I said no. I told him that I was too sick. I told him that I wasn’t physically able to do anything. It didn’t matter. It never mattered. He still kept asking, pleading, begging.

He then exposed himself. Still, I said no. Still, I told him I was too sick to move. But he kept asking. He never stopped asking.

I was in my own house. I had no place to go. I was trapped inside my bedroom, physically unable to move. So, I did the only thing I could.

I acquiesced. It was ten minutes of pure agony but I dealt with it. Because I knew that once he got what he wanted, he would leave me alone.

I said no. I was clear. My ex knew I was ill. But that didn’t matter. He wanted what he wanted and he wouldn’t stop asking until he got it. There was no way I could have removed myself from the situation. I was in my own home. If I had felt better, I might have thrown him out but in that state, I couldn’t.

“Just a bad date” indeed.

Some women have actually fought back. But it didn’t get them much. They were just crazy, seeing sexual harassment and assault everywhere. It was a “bad date” with someone who had “boundary issues”. It wasn’t so awful, now was it?

The more I think about it, the worse it gets. And that bothers me.

About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon--official and non--since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we were both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat, who crossed the Rainbow Bridge on June 16, 2018. We still miss him. But we're now the acting staff of a Maine Coon kitty named Lulu, who pretty much rules the house. Not that we're complaining about that.
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