I was awakened this morning by a coughing fit, one that, at its end, caused me to regurgitate fluid. This cycle went on for a time, until I was forced upright and out of bed, a hot mouthful of water behind my clamped lips. Another followed several seconds later and I rushed to the bathroom for relief. I almost didn’t make it.
It’s been at least nineteen years since I’ve vomited. It was a sensation that I did not miss.
Three hours later, the alarm shrieked and I had to get ready for work. My stomach was writhing in agony and my midsection hurt, as if someone had hit me in the abdomen with a baseball bat. I don’t know exactly how, but I was able to get through my shift at work today, as difficult as it was. We were short a person–Wiesia didn’t come in–so it was hectic by the doors. I was the one doing most of the walks today.
It also didn’t help that people were stuck in stupid mode for the entirety of the day, which got under my skin quick. I’m still dealing with volatile emotions and having members make ridiculous demands of me is frustrating. (People, the flatbed carts? They are right by the normal carts and you can get them yourselves. It’s not that difficult, really.)
I had been planning on writing this out at the library, but I couldn’t make it that far. I never made it to the bus stop. I got as far as Wal-Mart and then I was done. I had to call Prime and ask him to pick me up from there. I just couldn’t walk anymore. My abdomen hurt and my legs felt like jelly.
Currently, I’m at home, resting. My stomach feels better but I’m tired. I’m very tired. The last several days have been draining on a level I can’t even begin to describe and I am totally mentally exhausted. Prime said earlier that we’re going to have to watch our stress levels for the near future, as dealing with this sort of grief is taxing.
I miss our little Sammy. I miss him so much. All I want to do right now is cuddle with him, but I can’t. There aren’t enough tears.