Wednesday was a tipping point, as you could see by my post; things haven’t been the greatest over here and Wednesday night managed to push me over a precipice that I had seen coming but couldn’t avoid. To sum it up:
-The rain and general garbage weather has been a major stressor. We’ve been living with flood watches and warnings for weeks.
-Our car has developed an odd, new noise. We have no idea what it may be. But it precludes us from leaving the Fox Cities area. Which means…
-We can’t go to any Brewers games. Prime is not at all thrilled with the idea of missing them, but he’s even less thrilled with the idea of our car breaking down eighty plus miles away from home. That also takes even the shortest road trip off the table.
-Because of this, and the resulting conundrum of possibly deciding between purchasing another vehicle or getting this one repaired, there’s no way we can make it to TFCon. It’s not happening. There are other factors as well, but that’s the biggest one.
-Whether I want to admit it or not, I’m still grieving. I’m coming up on the third month and I am still having breakdowns from time to time. It’s been harder than I want to admit; Sammy was seventeen, probably closer to eighteen, which is considered geriatric for a cat. He couldn’t live forever. But he’d been with us for so long that not having him here is difficult, to say the least. Prime’s been able to hold it together better than I, but I know he’s still heartbroken. There aren’t enough tears.
-Without Sammy, I am lacking in emotional support. Don’t get me wrong, Prime’s doing a helluva job; but he’s stretched thin as it is, and he’s stuck dealing with his own stresses. I don’t want to add to them, even in the slightest. So rather than de-stress with the cat, I’m trying to tamp it down and working it ain’t.
So yeah, I’m stuck at home, worrying about a lot of shit that I can’t do a lot about. Add to that the fact that I don’t have BotCon anymore, that I don’t have a chance to see my friends and simply recharge, and a breakdown was inevitable. Hell, the crying jag I had on Wednesday night managed to offload some of the stress that I’d been carrying over the course of the summer. (Yeah, I should probably cry more often.) But as of right now, I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. So for the moment, I chose to laugh at all the bullshit in my life.
Because if I don’t, then I’ll start crying again. Only this time, I might not stop.