New year, new asshat. Or rather, an old asshat trying to make a comeback. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Welcome to Asshat of the Week, where I find the asshat and put their asshattery on display. Because asshats, like most trolls, will shrivel up when exposed to light. This week’s asshat is none other than Louis P.O.S. I mean, Louis C.K. No, I actually meant P.O.S.
Now, before we begin here, a word of caution: there is truly vile garbage that was quoted. It’s disgusting and if you don’t want to read that sort of thing–I don’t blame you if you don’t–then don’t go any further. Seriously, this isn’t merely bad comedy but absolute shit “comedy” and I use that term loosely.
You might remember Louis P.O.S. from his stand-up comedy routines or the fact that he had a television show or what have you. He was pretty big a few years ago. Then everything collapsed when it was discovered that he was a steaming pile of shit; he liked to masturbate in front of women, without their consent. But it wasn’t so bad; at least he didn’t touch them! (I wish I was kidding about this. But I am not.) So needless to say, he had it all, lost it in spectacular fashion, and disappeared for a while. But last year, there were rumblings that he might try and make a comeback. Which apparently he did. The result is, well, absolutely terrible. His routine was straight out of a shitlord’s playbook. Again, I wish I was kidding.
So what did his routine include? Some pretty revolting shit. Again, if you don’t want to read this, turn back now.
Ready? Okay then.
On the Parkland survivors and their testimony to Congress:
“They testify in front of Congress, these kids,” he says. “What the fuck? What are you doing? You’re young. You should be crazy, you should be unhinged – not in a suit saying: ‘I’m here to tell …’ Fuck you. You’re not interesting because you went to a high school where kids got shot. Why does that mean I have to listen to you?” the comedian continued. “How does that make you interesting? You didn’t get shot. You pushed some fat kid in the way, and now I’ve got to listen to you talking?”
Well, they have better things to say than you, P.O.S. Just saying. They also have more relevance than you. What have you done in your life? Told some shitty jokes? Oh yeah, everyone just has to hear what you have to say. Of course they do.
On being a transphobic jackass who wants these “damn kids” to “get off his lawn”:
“ [Young people] are just boring. Fucking telling, “You shouldn’t say that.” What are you, an old lady? What are you fucking doing? “Nyeah, that’s not appropriate.” Fuck you! You’re a child! Why aren’t you finger-fucking each other and doing Jell-O shots? Why aren’t you—“You should address me”—they’re like royalty. They tell you what to call them. ‘You should address me as they/them. Because I identity as gender neutral.’ OK. You should address me as ‘there,’ because I identity as a location. And the location is your mother’s cunt.”
Actually, you identify as an asshat. Because, guess what? You’re an asshat. Your head’s location? Yeah, it’s up your ass. All the way up your ass.
On being an ableist piece of garbage:
“But we started to feel shitty about it, so we changed it to intellectually challenged. What the fuck, it’s—don’t name the kid a thing he can’t say out loud. An intellectual challenge is can you translate Shakespeare into Latin and make it rhyme. These kids are not intellectually challenged, they’re intellectually fuckin’ done. They are! It’s not their sport! But we decided we didn’t want to call them retarded because we call each other that, so we went back to Nelson and we said, “Listen, Nelson, I have something to tell you. You’re not retarded anymore.”
“You mean I’m cured?”
“No, not at all. We just don’t call you that, ’cause it’s a terrible thing to call somebody.”
“But you called me that with—”
“Yes, but not anymore, because we shouldn’t.”
And he’s trying to wrap his head around this, which is difficult for Nelson, ’cause he’s fucking retarded.”
Wow. Just. Wow. I’d say you hit rock bottom, but you’re not done yet.
On being racist dipshit:
“What’re you, gonna take away my birthday? My life is over, I don’t give a shit. You can, you can be offended, it’s OK. You can get mad at me. Anyway. So why do black guys have big dicks? Let’s talk about that for a minute.”
No, let’s not. Because the only one who is allowed to talk about their penis is the owner of said penis.
On being a basic asshole:
“Yes, that was a joke about fucking a child,” he said at one point. “Which, by the way, I know fucking children is wrong. Joking about it is not, obviously.”
Oh yeah, that free speech thing, amirite? About that: Milo Hanrahan would like to remind you that jokes about that sort of thing are rather Dangerous, especially to someone’s career.
Now, I’m willing to bet that this asshat is going to try and hide behind the ‘free speech’ or ‘it’s just jokes’ bullshit. But there’s no defending this. It’s repulsive. It’s disgusting. But most of all, it’s not fucking funny. It’s a pathetic, desperate whinge for attention. You want people to pay attention to you, just like they did a couple of years ago. Like a troll sticking his head out from under a bridge, you wanted people to notice you.
I noticed, all right. That you’re an asshat. But most of all, I noticed that you just aren’t funny. You’re just a sad little asshat, fading into irrelevance. So here’s a hint:
Maybe then, you won’t be such an asshat. But I doubt it.