There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
The missing pieces I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my way home — Savage Garden, “I Knew I Loved You“
BotCon 1999, July 16th, St. Paul, Minnesota
“That’s him,” I murmured, as I began to make my way across the dealer room. I had managed to slip inside and after taking in just how enormous the place was, I started to slowly scan the room. There were more people there than I had seen in my life, and more Transformers than I had ever seen in one place before. This place was like a dream.
My heart began to pound as I crossed the room, making my way towards a tall man wearing a purple and silver cap. What if someone else was wearing the same hat by coincidence? What if I had misidentified him? What if I said hello to the wrong person? I brushed that off. “Then I’ll hopefully make a new friend,” I mumbled. But a different fear crept in; what if this was the right person and he didn’t like me? What if, even after all the emails, after all the correspondence, he doesn’t like me at all? Or worse, he thinks I’m unattractive? I shook my head. There was nothing that I could do about that. I could only be me. Besides, why did it really matter? Prime was just a friend, right…?
After a brisk walk, I found myself standing next to a tall, strikingly handsome man. His attention was on the tables next to him; he’d picked up a few items and examined them, then replaced them. He was holding a packaged G2 Go-Bots Megatron, clearly intending to purchase it. I hovered beside him for a few seconds, hoping he’d notice me. My nerves were getting the better of me and I was terrified of speaking up or introducing myself. But I swallowed past that fear, muttered, “Here goes,” and reached out, giving the sleeve of his buttondown shirt a slight tug. “Excuse me,” I stammered.
He stopped and immediately turned towards me. His face was expressionless as he looked down at me. My heart rate skyrocketed. “Yes?” he asked, in a deep baritone.
“Are you Prime?” I knew my face was flushing and I could hear my voice was quivering as I spoke.
“Yes,” he replied, only now he seemed slightly bewildered. He wasn’t, but my brain seemed to want to throw one last-ditch effort into getting me to believe this was some sort of mistake I was making.
With a relieved grin, I stuck out my hand. “I’m Silverwynde,” I said. With that said, he smiled. When he did, my knees turned to jelly; he wasn’t simply handsome. He was gorgeous.
“Oh, hey!” Prime exclaimed, as he shook my hand. “I’ve been looking for you!” We started to talk, about our trips and our hotel stays and everything else inbetween. I knew I liked the guy, but now I wondered if I was feeling was something more.
It took me going back home a day later, of getting on the plane and the soft whisper of “Goodbye, Prime” as the tears began to spill down my face, for me to truly understand how I felt. I didn’t just want a friendship with this man. I wanted a life with him. Leaving him behind and going back to North Carolina felt as though I was leaving a piece of myself. Something that made me feel whole, like a piece of my heart or a sliver of my soul, was gone, on his way back to Wisconsin and I wanted to follow him. Yet I had a small gift from him; he had bought a Goldbug for me.
We had been wandering around the dealer room, when we came to a table that had a mint-on-card Goldbug, Bumblebee’s upgraded form. I mentioned that I didn’t have a Goldbug and Prime seemed surprised, then bought it. I patted Prime’s shoulder and said, “You give him a good home now.”
Prime grinned. “Oh, I will,” he replied, then he handed the figure to me. “I’m a shmuck,” he admitted with a grin. “I like buying people presents.”
I nearly knocked him over hugging him. No one had ever done anything so nice for me before. I was shocked.
When Goldbug and I got back home, I started typing an email that I knew would change everything: I laid it all on the line. I admitted my true feelings. I said that, over the course of so many months that slowly became years, I had done something that I never thought I would ever do again; I had feelings for someone, namely him. But I was terrified; I’d been through one relationship that ended badly due to cheating and no real commentment. I was, however, willing to try again. To Prime, I had opened my heart a sliver.
Once I was done, I hit ‘send’. Then, I waited.
Prime replied not long after. His feelings were the same. He wanted to share his life with me, being not just friends, but something deeper. He closed the email with four words, four words I could never forget: “Come walk with me.”
Not only that, he wanted to talk and he gave me his phone number. I did the same. We set a date–00:30 early Saturday morning–when he would call me and we would talk for the first time since the convention.
A real phone call with a real conversation. No arguments or drama. I could barely wait.
I counted down the days until that Saturday, then the hours until that phone call. My coworkers thought I was insane; they spent a good portion of that Saturday night laughing at me, making jokes about me having to rush home for my ‘important phone call’. I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was hearing Prime’s voice, which I hadn’t heard in a week. With bated breath, I waited for the phone to ring and nearly tripped and fell when it did. I almost yanked it clear off the hook and managed to gasp out a nervous “Hello?”
“Silvy?” Prime said. I replied, “Yes!” and we started to talk. The conversation was about everything and nothing and it lasted for hours. There were jokes and laughter and goofy replies. But as the night wore on and slowly became day, things became serious.
I asked Prime how he felt about me. To this day, I don’t know exactly why. Was it fear? Curiosity? Something else? I honestly don’t know. But for that unknown reason, I had to hear it from him.
As always, Prime was honest: “I’ve already fallen in love with you.”
I gasped and a lump choked my throat. My vision blurred. He wasn’t lying; I could hear the sincerity in his voice. It took me a moment, but I was able to answer him. “I…I’m in love with you, too,” I whispered.
It was out in the open now, how I truly felt. I was excited and frightened. I think we both were. Then Prime said something that took me completely by surprise, but it, too, felt completely right: “Move in with me.”
I was terrified. Without a moment’s hesitation, I said yes. We set the date for December.
It wasn’t easy–telling my parents, but they did understand. Prime had met my mother and she liked him immediately; she spoke highly of him when we got back home after the trip. Dad made a few jokes about him and Mom shot them down; Prime was a nice guy, smart and decent. She liked him. (Coming from my mother, this was very high praise.)
December. Only weeks away in the grand scheme of things, but an eternity nevertheless. I was torn between overwhelming excitement and abject terror.
~To Be Continued~