It’s been a while. Life has been a bit of a blur; it’s August now. It’s almost time to go back to school. Already some of the trees are sporting a few, small patches of yellow. Costco has their Halloween costumes out–there’s no Bumblebee costume this year–and Walmart will be next.
It’s been almost fourteen months since I had to say goodbye to you. I don’t think it’s gotten any easier. But something happened over the weekend, something that I wanted but wasn’t sure if I was truly ready.
One of my co-workers had a cat, a little black and white cat that had been adopted from a shelter and was named Lulu. According to her, Lulu was sweet, but a handful and she wanted to rehome her.
Friday night was a complete blur, but this happened:
That’s Lulu. She’s with your dad and I. I’ve never felt such a feeling of relief before.
She’s really sweet, Sammy. She’s given me kitty kisses and laid on my feet. She’s collapsed in sheer relaxation when your dad gave her a double ear scritch. She’s used me as a step ladder and nibbled my fingers playfully.She’s stalked her toys and head-butted my ankles.
You would have liked her, or at least, tolerated her presence. She would have wanted nothing more than to play with you. As to whether or not you would’ve enjoyed it, I can’t say. But she would have tried to be a companion to you.
She’s shier than you were, but you were always more outgoing and confident. You might have shown her how to be a little more assertive. The two of you might have snuggled up together. Or you might have exchanged a couple of irritable swats. Or you might have groomed each other. It’s hard to say.
But things feel complete here. Mentally, I feel a sense of calm I haven’t had in over a year. It’s like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel almost normal again. On Saturday night, I saw your dad smile in a way that I haven’t seen in a long time. He’s happy. So am I.
We’ll always miss you, Sammy. You were our first. You chose your dad and refused to let him go. You thought of us as yours and split your time between us accordingly. You were your dad’s first kitty and the first cat I ever trained to sit on command. You were loud, you were bold, and you were loved.
You still are, Sammy. We’ll always love you. You left paw prints on both our hearts and we’re both grateful for that. We loved you fiercely.
Just like we’ll love your younger sister, Lulu Nightstalker Prime. It’s just too bad you couldn’t meet.
PS Maybe, just maybe, your dad will have a tin of sardines sometime soon. He hasn’t in a very long while. I think you know why.