It’s officially been two years since I had to make that decision. It doesn’t feel like that long ago, yet it feels like a lifetime ago.
It’s still tough. I still miss you. Your dad misses you too. I honestly don’t know who feels worse; it wrecked both of us. We didn’t want to do it, but all things considered, it was the right choice.
It still feels wrong. No matter how many times I tell myself that I made the right decision, it still feels completely wrong. I don’t know if it will ever truly feel right.
Things have changed a bit; we have a global pandemic going on, which means I have to wear a mask while I’m at work and your dad is doing the jobs of several people at his, as most of the workforce is now working remotely. I seem to be getting more hours, while your dad’s have been cut back a bit. I’m making $19.50 an hour, which is good. It’s a better wage than Walmart. It can be somewhat stressful, but not nearly as bad as Walmart. You knew I hated that place.
I’ve been talking to Lulu, telling her about you. It helps, but I still wish you were here, that I could have both of you with me. I’m sure you’d have hissed at her multiple times, but after a while, you would have tolerated her. The two of you could have gotten a lot of trouble together.
I don’t have to work today. At least I don’t have to plaster on a fake smile and pretend that everything is okay while wishing I wasn’t at Costco. I get some relief in that regard. It’s not a lot, but it’s some.
I miss you, Cat-butt. I always will. Too bad you couldn’t be here to meet Lulu and hiss at her repeatedly, while your dad and I supervised the both of you. You’d probably smack her if she got too close, but then snuggle with her when you decided to take a nap. Because you’d have to let her know that this was your house and nobody else’s. You pretty much figured that you owned the place.
You also owned my heart. It’s not easy, this life without you. We miss you.