Past and Present

By now, everyone knows that Russia has declared war on Ukraine. To be honest, I had already braced for the worst since last week; there were rumors that Putin would invade Ukraine during the Olympics. I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop since last Monday. I’m only surprised that it took this long.

I’m a mental wreck right now. No, I don’t have any family living in Ukraine, but this is dredging up that old familiar fear that I had during childhood: the fear of nuclear war.

I grew up during the 1980s, in the last decade of the Cold War. I was terrified thinking that, at any moment, diplomatic relations could collapse and the United States and the Soviet Union could be at war. It wouldn’t be a regular war; my worst fear was that it would be a nuclear holocaust. It wouldn’t take much for either side to press the button and deploy nuclear missiles. It was a pervasive fear, constantly in the background of my childhood.

I wasn’t the only one. There was an episode of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood that dealt with this very subject. I think I might have watched it. It’s a little hard to say. But I remember that fear, that constant fear, of nuclear war.

Seeing the news, hearing about what’s happening right now, is bringing it back. My anxiety has risen sharply. I feel that cold pit of fear in the pit of my stomach.

But it’s worse for those who are living through this horror, who hear the explosions and take shelter in the nearby subway. I can’t even imagine how awful it must be or how helpless they feel.

This is awful. Absolutely awful. I don’t know if it will ever get better. That frightens me. It should frighten everyone.

About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon--official and non--since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we were both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat, who crossed the Rainbow Bridge on June 16, 2018. We still miss him. But we're now the acting staff of a Maine Coon kitty named Lulu, who pretty much rules the house. Not that we're complaining about that.
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