Bird Boxed

Ya done fucked up, Elon.

Okay, so you bought Twitter for more than it was actually worth, then you come up with a plan to charge for it, decided to shitcan a fuckton of employees which included some damn valuable people, did it in the worst way possible, proceeded to have a meltdown over losing advertisers, and realized that you massively fucked up so now you’re asking some of the same people you shitcanned if they want their jobs back.

Oh boy, that last one: yeah, that actually happened to me back in my 20s. I was working at a Blimpie Subs and Salads and my manager came in one day in a garbage mood and fired me. Quite literally, that was her only reason, although on the paperwork she claimed “insubordination”. She did the exact same thing and called me back a few days later, wanting to know if I would come back.

I did. But I had already put out a number of applications. I had no plans on staying at that cesspool any longer than necessary. So when that same manager tried to threaten me with termination a few weeks later, I smiled and said, “About that. I need to put in my two week notice.”

I have never seen anyone deflate so rapidly in my life. It was glorious. True story, by the way. Probably one of my best memories from working in that hell hole.

This is on top of you threatening to sue anyone who boycotts your platform and suspending Kathy Griffin’s account because she dared make fun of your thin-skinned ass. Oh, she’s on Mastodon, by the way, so I seriously doubt she’ll miss her birdie account. The whole site is going up in flames as we speak and there’s really only one person to blame for it. Wonder who it could be…?

Like I said, ya done fucked up, Elon. And you know it.

You’re not just losing advertisers but you’re also losing users, which does not bode well for the platform. Personally, no, I haven’t deleted my account yet and I probably won’t, as I don’t want it snapped up by some east Siberian troll farm. But I don’t use it often and I don’t think I ever will again.

As I mentioned, I’m on Mastodon now and others are joining me: there are guides on how to join, tips and advice on what to do, even guides on the best apps to download. You’re not the only game in town now. You also can’t buy out this competition, so you’re absolutely boned in this case.

You wanted so badly to “own the libs”. Now you have to shove a quarter in your ass because you just played yourself worse than Donkey Kong. Congratulations.

Of course, once you’re done gutting Twitter, once the last user is gone, once the last employee is fired, you’ll sell it. It might be piece by piece or it might be all at once, but you’ll sell it. You might get some of your collateral back but I sincerely doubt that you’ll get all of it. If we’re lucky, it’ll be an extremely expensive lesson for you.

Maybe next time, you’ll think with your brain and not your wallet. But I doubt it. You just keep proving that.

EDIT: Now you’re thinking of putting the whole thing behind a pay wall? Seriously?! Your stans ain’t gonna like that too much.

About Silverwynde

I'm a Transformers fan, Pokémon player, Brewers fan and all-out general nerd. I rescue abandoned Golett, collect as many Bumblebee decoys and figures as I can find and I've attended every BotCon--official and non--since 1999. I'm also happily married to a fellow Transfan named Prime and we were both owned by a very intelligent half-Siamese cat, who crossed the Rainbow Bridge on June 16, 2018. We still miss him. But we're now the acting staff of a Maine Coon kitty named Lulu, who pretty much rules the house. Not that we're complaining about that.
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