This Is A Thing That Actually Happened: Akon needs a sex ed lesson, or at the very least, some tutoring in basic biology. Because seriously, WTF?
No, really: please explain how you can rub one out, pop it into an incubator, and in nine months–or less!–you get a brand new mini human. Because that is absolutely NOT HOW THIS WORKS.
I’m not saying that it cannot happen–It absolutely does–but it rather famously happens with females. So, sorry Akon, but you can’t just reheat your lukewarm cock-a-knock water in the nuke box and somehow it’ll magically spawn into a baby however many weeks later. Human reproduction doesn’t work like that at all. Yes, the one who has the uterus is the one growing that life. That’s pretty much how it works in placental mammals.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go binge some kitten videos to bleach my brain. It’s full of enough fuckery for one day; I need some cute.
Iacon East 