When Helping Doesn’t Actually Help

As you know, I’m dealing with some pretty severe breast issues.  If you don’t know, or are a newer reader to this particular blog, I’ll sum it up: I have BRCA. To put it gently, my risk of developing breast cancer is one in two.

Yes, those odds are terrible. Yes, those odds scare the hell out of me and my husband. Yes, those odds make me look down at my breasts, sigh and think that Angelina Jolie might have been on to something, getting rid of those two mounds of “useless flesh”. To put it bluntly, this is truly some scary shit.

I’ve done a lot of research. I’ve had a lot of appointments with my breast specialist. I’ve had part of my left breast–referred to as “Leftie”– removed because of pre-cancerous cells. I’ve swallowed a lot of tamoxifen over the last several months. I’ve been through a lot of crap. I’ve been told that I’m brave, that I’m strong and that I can beat this.

I’ve also found some truly horrible advice online, advice that this article details. It also tells you why you shouldn’t offer that advice, for three very good reasons.

Now, let me first make things clear: I don’t see it as an act of violence when someone gives you bad advice. The person that is telling you that colon hydrotherapy “cured” one of their cousins twice removed isn’t actively seeking to harm you. They want to help.

They just don’t know that they aren’t helping you. With that said, we’ll continue after the jump.
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Posted in Bitter Truths, Bullshit, cancer, Grief, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Please Tell Me That This is a Joke

I found this little gem via Joe. My. God.Florida Man Claims Girlfriend Accidentally Choked To Death On His Large Penis, Demands That Jury Sees It.

You can’t make this sort of thing up, people. But then again, it’s from Florida. It gets a little NSFW after the jump, so be warned.

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And the Fox Claims Another One…

Color me surprised (NOT): Pitch has been cancelled after one season.


On one hand, I’m stunned but on the other, not so much. This is Fox. They love to cancel shows–damn good shows–after one season for reasons. And those reasons are usually, “We wanna fart out another low end piece of crap because we think that’ll do better ratings-wise.”

I was looking forward to watching season two but oh well. Just one more reason to never watch Fox again. (You’d think they would have learned after Firefly but I guess not…)

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Roses and Thorns

It’s Mother’s Day. As you all know, I’ve had problems with this day for years; it’s been a problem for me since I was young. But I’m not the only one who has a problem with this day: Libby Anne sums it up nicely. Go and read, because her post is great. But a few passages really struck me, so I’ll post them here.

If Mother’s Day was something people could celebrate if they wanted to without everyone else feeling obligated to participate as well, I might feel different about the holiday. But it’s not. Instead, everyone is expected to honor and praise their mother on Mother’s Day, whether they feel she did anything worthy of praise or not. And if you don’t, well, you must be selfish and ungrateful—terms we often use for children but rarely for mothers. Think about that for a moment.

We talk a lot about the love mothers have for their children. We talk very little about how cruelly mothers can treat their children, or about the fact that some mothers don’t love their children at all, or are only capable of a selfish, twisted love. On Mother’s Day, we spend a lot of time talking about the power of motherhood, as though that power were somehow automatically and universally good.

Yes, motherhood is powerful—but that power has a dark side. Few people can hurt a person more than their mother.

I can’t tell you exactly why I was born. I know the date and that date was three years after my half-brother was taken and placed for adoption. Realistically, I was conceived a little more than two years after the surrender. Because of this, I have been forced to ask myself if my mother actually wanted me or if she wanted a child to fill the gap in her soul.

I don’t have an answer to that question. I probably never will. Even though my mother has said multiple times, “We wanted you,” there will always be some small, nattering doubts in my mind.

This is how that sort of thing–the things that happen before you exist–can affect you when you learn about them. Survivor guilt is never pretty. I discovered that firsthand. So now, Mother’s Day has gone from being a day that feels slightly awkward to one that can actually depress me. Instead of feeling weird or off when I see a Mother’s Day card, I feel empty and hollow now. I feel dejected. Rather than feeling happy, the day brings only melancholy.

But I’m not the only one. Others have felt the same. The fact that I’m not alone, that I’m not “crazy”, does give me some small measure of reassurance. Which is what I am here to tell you: if you have a great relationship with your mother, great! Take her out to brunch, do something special, enjoy the day together. If not, if your mother was one of those who happened to be abusive or manipulative, remember that this wasn’t your fault. You don’t have the option to pick your parents. You also have the option to not celebrate today if it brings you no joy. Life is too short to spend it in misery. Remember that.

Posted in Bitter Truths, Family Matters, Grief, Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sunday Morning Nostalgia Crush!

The opening to Jem with that theme song that everyone can remember. Sing along if you’d like!

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“Mau” Therapy

It’s been another shitty week, so we’ll turn this into a big kitteh week. So here is a cougar that sounds a lot like a house cat. Enjoy!

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Trauma Doesn’t Work That Way!

According to Jesse Lee Peterson, a child can be born gay if the mother was angry while pregnant, because she can pass “spiritual trauma” in utero. Seriously. Now, if that wasn’t bad enough–biology and pregnancy in general do not work that way!–it’s what he says about trauma that is utterly maddening.

“It’s amazing how many people hold on to their traumas when it’s so easy to overcome. (snaps fingers repeatedly) It is the easy thing to overcome and yet people spend a lifetime holdin’ on to it.”


I’m going to pause right there and let that sink in.

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Posted in Bullshit, Cartoon Logic, LGBTQ, Sex And Gender Acceptance | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment