It was eighteen years ago that I stepped on board an airplane for the first time since I was two, in order to make my way to Minnesota. I was going to BotCon. I was also going to meet you.
I was terrified, to put it mildly. I didn’t know what to expect. Just like I didn’t know what to expect when I got to the convention center, just like I didn’t know what to expect when I walked into the dealer room, which was far larger than anything I had ever seen in my life.
Sheltered? Yes, definitely. I wasn’t the type to ever take risks but there I was. I was willing to do something that had me questioning myself. You know now that I’m not the type to do this sort of thing.
It was hard to spot you, at first. There were more people in that one room than I had met in the entirety of my life at that point. But that description you sent helped: I looked for the purple and silver cap. That was the giveaway. So I crossed the room, in order to get to you, to finally meet you.
You were impossibly tall and your voice was deep enough to be intimidating. I couldn’t see your eyes; they were hidden behind sunglasses. I knew were looking at me but I wasn’t sure as to how. Curiosity? Irritation? It was hard to tell. I introduced myself. There was a brief silence. Then you smiled.
That’s something I will never forget for as long as I live: your smile. I felt my heart flutter when you smiled, so warm and inviting.
It was that smile that put me at ease. It still does, even now.
I remember wandering the dealer room with you. I remember looking through the comics with you. I remember the big, goofy grin I got on my face when I looked at you. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that feeling, that happiness I felt when we were together that day.
I know; scratching your back was a little odd. But taking your hand at that point? I wasn’t sure how you’d take that. I didn’t want to rush this. Things between us felt easy enough; I didn’t want to risk losing something so special before it had really gotten started.
Because you were special. You are special. You always will be special to me.
Yes, it took me a day or so to pluck up the courage to say that I loved you. I wish I had the guts to do it while I was there. But again, I didn’t want to lose you before our journey started.
You might wonder if I’d do it all again. If things were different, if I could go back in time and relive it all, would I?
Yes. In a heartbeat. I would do it all over again. I’d do it all over again for eternity. Because I love you. I will always love you, even when I’m crabby and complaining. Even then–especially then–I love you.
And I wouldn’t change a thing. I hope you feel the same way.
Your insane but loving wife,